The Official, Sanctioned DoD Squid Purity Test(tm). All questions are asked in the context of a street motorcycle ridden on public highways, unless otherwise noted. _Instructions:_ Select the appropriate alternatives, fill in your name and hit CALCULATE at the bottom of the page. This will give you your "squid percentage". Enjoy. _________________________________________________________________ _General _ _________________________________________________________________ Do you know what a motorcycle is? Have you ever seen a picture of a motorcycle? Have you ever seen a motorcycle in person? Have you ever heard a motorcycle? Have you ever touched a motorcycle? Have you ever sat on a motorcycle? Ever ridden on a motorcycle? Can you spell motorcycle? Do you own a motorcycle? Do you own two or more motorcycles? Do you own a non-running motorcycle? Do you own a motorcycle with crash damage? Do you think you know what DoD stands for? Do you _know_ what DoD stands for? Do you care what DoD stands for? Do you know what DoD Nominal is? Have you ever heard of spooge? Do you think you know what spooge is? Do you _know_ what spooge is? Have you ever seen spooge? Have you ever touched spooge? Have you ever used spooge as a dessert topping? Have you ever washed your motorcycle? Have you ever washed your motorcycle at a high-pressure car wash? Have you ever washed your motorcycle with a toothbrush? Have you ever taken an MSF course? Did you crash while taking the MSF course? Have you totalled a motorcycle while taking an MSF course? Have you ever repeated an MSF course? Have you ever forgotten to turn on the gas petcock until the engine dies in the middle on an intersection? Have you ever forgotten to raise the sidestand before riding off? Have you ever gotten off your bike and walked away without putting down the kickstand? Have you ever filled your motorcycle's gas tank while sitting on the bike? Were you able to do this without spilling gas all over the bike and yourself? Have you ever dropped a bike while attempting this maneuver? Have you ever forgotten to switch your motorcycle's petcock from "reserve" to "on" after filling up? Have you ever dropped a motorcycle? Have you ever dropped a bike because your pant leg was caught on something? Have you ever dropped a bike before the first 600 mile service? Have you ever dropped a bike because of a wet railroad track? Have you ever dropped your bike on the driveway? Did you drop your bike the first time you rode it down your driveway? Have you ever kicked started your bike? Have you ever tried to kick start your bike while it was in gear? Have you ever dropped a bike because you tried to kick start it in gear? Have you done this maneuver more than once? Have you ever push started a bike? Have you ever had to push the bike for more than 50 yards while attempting to start it? Have you ever had someone push your bike while you were riding it in an attempt to start it? Did you make them run more than 50 yards before attempting to start the engine? Do you regularily have to push start your bike? Have you ever jump started your bike from a car? Have you ever lost control of a motorcycle while attempting to put it up on the centerstand? Have you ever attempted to put a bike on the centerstand without providing enough space behind the bike so that you end up smashing the taillight into an immovable hard object (like a brick wall or lamp post)? Have you ever dropped a bike because you tried to put the bike on it's centerstand without getting off the bike? Have you ever dropped it at low speed because you were holding the broken throttle cable in your hand and the accelerated in a left hand turn? Do you store your motorcycle on a city street? Do you store your motorcycle in a locked garage? Do you store your motorcycle in your living room? Have you ever closed your garage door on your motorcycle? Have you ever dropped a bike in a crowded parking lot? Have you ever started a chain reaction by dropping your bike onto a line of parked bikes? Did you receive applause for this? Were you admitted to the emergency room because of this? Have you ever parked a motorcycle so as to take up more than one space? Have you ever pulled up at a stop light and didn't put your feet down which resulted in falling over while trying to impress the babes in the car next to you? Have you ever pulled up at a stop light and didn't put your feet down which resulted in falling over because you forgot that you took the sidecar off? Have you ever dropped your helmet? Have you dropped your helmet more than once on a trip? More than 3 times? Were you concerned? Have you ever kicked your helmet? Have you ever loaded your motorcycle into a pickup? Does your motorcycle spend more time in a pickup than on the road? Do you require that a pickup follow you on all rides? Does your insurance company require that a pickup follow you on all rides? Have you ever used a loading ramp to get your bike into the pickup? Did you rather just pick up the pieces and heave the large chunks into the pickup bed? Did the ramp consist of a single 2x4? Have you ever ridden the bike up the loading ramp? Have you ever crashed into the back of the pickup cab? Was the event seen on national broadcast television? Has the bike ever fallen off the ramp? Were you on the bike at the time? Have you ever had a motorcycle fall out of a pickup? Have you ever had a motorcycle fall off a trailer? Have you ever loaded your motorcycle into a car? In one piece? Do you warm up your engine in the morning by holding it at redline? Have you ever used fuel with an octane rating higher than 100? Have you ever used octane booster? Do you regularily use octane booster? Have you ever used racing fuel? Have you ever used nitromethane? Have you ever run out of gas? Have you run out of gas twice in one day? Have you run out of gas more than 2 times in two days? Have you ever thought you'd have enough gas to get there, and run out? Do you go riding with a friend only because you know they have at least a seven gallon tank? Have you ever had to bum gas off a riding buddy? Have you ever had to do so more than once in one day? Has your riding buddy ever run out of gas because he/she kept having to give you gas? Have you ever run out of gas more than 30 miles from the nearest station? More than 60 miles? More than 100 miles? Have you ever ignored a road sign which said "NEXT SERVICES 179 MILES" when you knew you only had a range of 130 miles on a full tank? Have you ever had the engine sputter, only to discover that you had forgotten to switch the petcock off of "reserve" at the last fill-up? Have you ever hit reserve headed uphill while passing an 18-wheeler on a double yellow on a two-lane road while riding an expensive borrowed bike with two fuel petcocks? Do you keep track of your gas mileage as a matter of routine? Have you ever used the mileage log to help spot engine problems before they become expensive? Do you keep an accurate service log? Do you need to add engine oil more often than gas? Have you ever had to go off the road in order to avoid an accident? Have you ever had an off-road accident on a street motorcycle? Have you ever dropped your bike in the presence of 2 other people? Have you ever dropped your bike in the presence of more than 5 other people? Have you ever ridden a motorcycle stoned? Have you ever ridden a motorcycle drunk? Have you ever ridden a motorcycle while you were very angry? Have you ever ridden a motorcycle while you were extremely tired? Have you ever ridden a motorcycle after dark without a headlight? Have you ever been caught after sunset with Lucas electrics? Have you ever ridden over 500 miles in one day? Have you ever ridden over 1000 miles in one day? Have you ever burnt your leg on an exhaust pipe? What about your hand? Have you done it more than once? Have you ever sat on your hands to keep them warm? Have you ever placed your hands on your motorcycle's engine to keep them warm? Have you ever patched a tire with duct tape? Have you ever patched an oil leak with duct tape? Have you ever patched an oil leak with locally available materials like mud, sticks, and moss? Have you ever forgotten to turn off your turn signal? Have you ever had a riding buddy chase you down to alert you to this problem? Have you ever had a riding buddy chase you down and turn off your signal for you? Have you ever forgotten to put the bike into 1st from neutral at a stoplight? Ever get odd looks from people when your bike hits 7,000rpm in neutral at a light? Have you ever tried to start from a stoplight in any gear other than 1st? Have you ever missed second gear, gotten stuck in neutral, and over revved your engine in the middle of an intersection? Have you ever driven over the speed limit? What about double the speed limit? Have you ever driven double the speed limit through a curve or corner? Have you ever ridden triple the posted speed through a curve? Have you ever ridden quadruple the posted speed through a curve? Have you ever gotten air off of a speed bump? Were you riding a Goldwing at the time? Have you ever ridden off a curb? Have you ever bounced off a curb? Have you ever ridden up a curb? Have you ever ridden up a curb at more than 15 mph? Have you ever ridden up a curb at more than 30 mph? Have you ever ridden the wrong way on a one-way street? Have you ever ridden the wrong way on a one-way street at DoD nominal? Have you ever ridden the wrong way on a one-way street while franticly waving your arms? Have you ever dodged oncoming traffic while riding the wrong way on a one-way street? Have you ever used Armor-All on your seat? Have you ever used Armor-All on your seat a second time? Have you ever considered buying a neon tank bag? Have you ever actually bought a neon tank bag? Have you ever totalled (i.e beyond repair) your bike? Have you ever totalled a friend's bike? Have you ever totalled a stranger's bike? While riding it? Are you held together with steel pins as a result of your motorcycling experience? Do you brake for llamas? Have you ever tried to ride off without remembering to remove the lock from a wheel or brake rotor? Did you do this at a motorcycle swap meet in front of hundreds of people? Did it cause you to drop your bike? Have you ever tried to ride off withour remembering to undo the fork lock? Have you ever carried skis on your motorcycle? Have you ever carried an item on your motorcycle that required a red flag at the end? Have you ever carried a 4'x8' sheet of plywood on your motorcycle? At more than 5 mph? Have you ever tried to ride the wrong direction over a one-way spike barrier in a parking lot? Have you ever done a cross-country trip on a motorcycle displacing less than 250 cc's? Have you ever done a cross-country ride in less than 3 days? Have you ever participated in an Iron-butt rally? Have you ever won an Iron-butt rally? Have you ever seized up a 2-stroke bike because you just dumped the oil into the gas and it didn't mix? Have you ever rebuilt a bike in your college dorm room? Did you get the oil stains out of the carpet? Were you able to keep the custodians from knowing anything about it? Have you ever wired up a parking light bulb in the headlight because the generator doesn't work? Are you a Kot _anything_ ?  0 Keeper title 1 Keeper title 2 Keeper title 3 Keeper title 4 Keeper title 5 Keeper title 6 Keeper title  Does your motorcycle's license plate read either "DENIZEN" or "DOOM"? Does your motorcycle's license plate read "SQUID"? Does your motorcycle's license plate read "2FAST4U" or "NEDRGR"? Have you ever split lanes of traffic on the freeway when traffic was moving at more than 5 mph? When traffic was moving at more than 10 mph? When traffic was moving at more than 25 mph? When traffic was moving at more than 40 mph? When traffic was moving at the posted speed limit? Have you ridden with a broken clutch cable? Have you chosen to carry an extra cable after that? Have you ever wondered why there is a "Gold Wing _Road_ Riders Association" when there is no associated "Gold Wing _Dirt_ Riders Association"? Have you ever cooled your "after ride beer" by burying it, pouring gas on it and lighting it? Have you ever taken a picture of a motorcycle? Are the walls of your house/apartment/room/garage covered with pictures of motorcycles? Have you ever collected motorcycle sales brouchures solely to hang them on your walls? Have you ever had a muffler fall off? Have you ever had a muffler fall off and not notice it? _________________________________________________________________ _Riding Skills _ _________________________________________________________________ How many public/occupied buildings have you ridden into? (Houses don't count as public, taverns and schools do)  0 bldg 1 bldg 2 bldg 3 bldg 4 bldg 5 bldg 6 bldg  Intentionally? Were any of the occupants were expecting you to do this at the time? Have you ever ridden up a flight of stairs on a street bike? How many continuous flights?  0 flight 1 flight 2 flight 3 flight 4 flight 5 flight 6 flight 7 flight 8 flight 9 flight 10 flight  Did the stairs have a 180 degree turn in them? Have you ever gotten your motorcycle stuck in a stairwell? Is it still there? Have you ever ridden into a freight elevator? Have you ever ridden into a passenger elevator? Have you ever ridden into a passenger elevator at a posh hotel? Have you ever ridden through a window? Was it open before you went through it? Have you ever worn tires right to the edge of the tread? Have you ever worn tires past the edge of the tread? Have you ever had the rubber on the edges of your tires ball up (from riding on public highways)? Have you ever had your tires get greasy? Have you ever blistered a set of tires? Have you ever blistered a set of Cheng Shins? Have you ever bedded in your brake pads taking the bike up to DoD nominal and dropping anchor hard? Have you ever locked up a wheel? Did it leave a skid mark over 10 feet long? 20 feet? 30 feet? 50 feet? Have you ever locked up both wheels simultaneously? Did the skid marks remain parallel? Have you ever locked up both wheels simultaneously on a motorcycle weighing over 600 pounds? Have you ever had the rear wheel hop under heavy braking? Have you ever locked a wheel intentionally? Have you ever locked both wheels intentionally? If you ride a bike with a sidecar, have you ever locked all three wheels? Have you low-sided a street bike (not on a track)? Have you ever low-sided a sidecar equipped motorcycle? Have you high-sided a street bike (not on a track)? Have you ever high-sided a sidecar equipped motorcycle? Have you ever done a flying-W on a street bike? Have you ever endoed a street bike? Have you ever been leaned over so far you rubbed the side or edge of your riding boot/shoe? Have you ever been leaned over so far you rubbed the side or edge of your beach sandal? Have you ever attained DoD nominal on public highway? Have you ever failed to attain DoD nominal? Have you ever been over 125 mph on a public highway? Have you ever been over 140 mph on a public highway? Have you ever attempted to find the top speed of your bike on a public highway? Have you ever _found_ the top speed of your bike on a public highway? Have you ever run your bike's engine past the redline momentarily? Was it because you missed a shift? Was it intentional? Have you ever run your bike's engine past the redline and kept it there? Have you ever found a false neutral? Have you ever had a bike pop out of gear during hard acceleration? Have you ever dragged a peg feeler? Have you ever had a footpeg feeler knocked off? Have you ever imbedded a footpeg feeler in the road? Have you ever dragged a muffler? Have you ever dented a muffler going around a curve? Have you ever dragged a passenger peg? Have you ever dragged a turn signal? Have you ever dragged a peg feeler before your tires warmed up? Have you ever dragged a peg feeler before your new tires have been well scrubbed in? Have you ever slid your rear tire while cornering? Have you ever slid your front tire while cornering? Have you ever slid both tires simultaneously while cornering? Have you ever done a burn-out? Have you ever done a burn-out with a new tire? Do you use burn-outs as a regular method for scrubbing in new tires? Have you ever done a burn-out until the tire popped? Have you ever won a burn-out competition? Have you ever done a burn-out while accelerating? Did it leave a mark over 5 feet long? Over 10 feet long? Over 20 feet long? Over 50 feet long? Have you ever done a burn-out donut? Do you have pictures? Do you have them framed? Have you ever done a burn-out at the end of a straight? Have you ever attempted a wheelie? Have you ever attempted a wheelie on a Harley chopper? Have you ever attempted a wheelie on a full-dress touring bike? Have you ever attempted a wheelie while cornering? Have you ever attempted a stoppie? Have you ever attempted a stoppie on a BMW R100GS/PD? Have you ever dropped your bike trying either? Have you ever maintained a wheelie for over 30 feet? Have you ever upshifted while maintaining a wheelie? Have you ever downshifted while maintaining a wheelie? Have you ever missed a shift while maintaining a wheelie? Have you ever hit the rev-limiter while maintaining a wheelie? Have you ever ground off a taillight while doing a wheelie? Have you ever done a wheelie while riding two-up? Have you ever done a loopie? Did others witness it? Do others have it on video tape? Have you ever done a stoppie that resulted in the bike going over on its back? Have you ever done a stoppie without realizing it until the rear wheel landed hard on the road? Have you ever done a U-turn on a freeway on-ramp? Have you ever dropped your bike doing a U-turn on a freeway on-ramp? Have you ever stood on the pegs of a moving motorcycle? Have you ever stood on the seat of a moving motorcycle? Have you ever stood on the gas tank of a moving motorcycle? Have you ever ridden with your hands off the bars? Have you ever stood on the pegs of your moving motorcycle on public highway/street and waved at passing vehicles? Have you ever stood on the pegs of a moving motorcycle and beat on your chest? Did you think this would impress members of the opposite sex? Have you ever ridden your motorcycle on a public street while steering with your feet? Have you ever operated a motorcycle while sitting backward on the seat? Have you ever operated a motorcycle without foot pegs? Have you ever operated a motorcycle while you had your feet up on the instrument pod? Have you ever dragged your boots on the pavement? Have you ever dragged your boots on the pavement to see just how slippery the ice you're riding on is? Have you ever dragged your boots on the pavement until they smoke? Have you ever stood on your center stand while doing over 60mph? Have you ever pushed your centerstand into contact with the road so that it would generate sparks? Have you ever intentionally put steel cleats on you boots so you could drag your heels when riding at night, to create sparks to impress your friends? Have you ever tried to kick road debris while moving at more than 30 mph? Were you successful? Is your foot still attached to your leg? Have you ever picked up traffic cones on the fly and set them in the middle of some random intersection? Have you ever ridden sidesaddle? Have you ever reached down to your footpeg to shift gears by hand? Have you ever run over a chipmunk? Were you aiming? Did you have to chase the chipmunk off-road to do it? Have you ever bagged a deer with your motorcycle? Did you have your deer tag ready? Have you ever chased a bear while on your motorcycle? Have you ever been chased by a bear while on your motorcycle? Have you ever changed a tape in your stereo cassette player while riding? Have you ever had the wind catch the tape and stream it out behind you? Have you ever eaten food while riding? Have you ever eaten a salad while riding? Have you ever read a newspaper while riding? Have you ever blown your nose while wearing a full-face helmet? Successfully? Have you ever attempted to smoke while riding? Have you ever attempted to smoke while wearing a full-face helmet? Did you burn yourself in an attempt to smoke while riding? Ever watched members of the opposite sex and almost crashed? Have you ever relieved yourself while riding a motorcycle? Have you ever ridden a street bike on a gravel road? Have you ever ridden a street bike on a gravel road at more than 35 mph? At more than 45 mph? At more than 60 mph? Have you ever broken your rear tire loose in gravel on purpose? For extended periods? Repeatedly? Have you ever ridden a street bike on a jeep trail? Have you ever ridden a street bike on a hiking trail? Have you ever ridden a street bike through a puddle? Have you ever ridden a street bike through water more than rim deep? Have you ever ridden a street bike through water more than axle